:D

20060516

i felt so crushed when you gave me that look
that disgusted look on your face.
it really crushed me totally
you made me feel so disappointed
you made me lose the hope that somehow, you wouldn't treat me that way, like you always do
i didn't fail any of my subjects up till now
and it's good enough for me.
but you made me feel as if all the hard work and effort i had so painstakingly put in seem worthless
like as if there wasn't any point for me to study, since you never appreciate good results
have i ever heard a sound of encouragement from you when i do badly? NO
not that i can remember of.
i'm proud of my achievements
i'm proud that i improved my e maths, from a fail to a pass, even though it was just a difference of four marks
but it's still a PASS! why didn't you comment on that
i don't deny the fact that my results cannot make you happy
but why can't you acknowledge the fact that i've already tried my best
i'm in sec 3, and it's like my first year in upper sec. everything is so much harder, but you don't seem to understand.
all you do is compare me with others
compare compare compare.
i don't know what's the point.
so what if you compare? i'm not a competitive sort of person
doing worse than someone else doesn't really give me the drive to do better
i know for a fact that you don't like it when me, or even sissy compare you with other parents
you practically FLARE up with we even touch the topic.
so why are you still comparing me with others?
and when i tell you that, you say i'm being rude
and the nagging and complaining starts
how i don't appreciated how much you care for me.
how it doesn't make sense that you do the household chores everyday when we don't reciprocate your care.
and then you start going on about how "from now on, i'm not going to do this and that, and you would have to do it yourself"
i'm so sick of hearing you say it
i can already recite it together with sissy
so just stop it already. i don't mind doing things like washing the clothes and stuff.
it's only right that i should.
and i probably should start doing it, to free you off another topic to nag about.
well, i know it really isn't right for me to talk bad about you.
but if i bottle this up i will break down
i know how much you care for me, so stop saying that i don't.
it gets on my nerves.
OK! :D
i guess i cannot watch 'voice' with eli and jud tmr
its ok, i guess.
i'll use the time to catch up with stuff
gonna watch hard gay
i need some cheering up. :D
btw you don't have to tell me to like 'take a chill pill, man'
cos i'm alr feeling fine. :D :D
lalaallalaalalal.

9:34 pm